7th Group Therapy Session

Today's session started with a lot of silence.  Our therapist usually lets a lengthy silence pass before he asks what we think the silence is about.  At first, I was sleepy, and then as the silence continued, I began to get restless and I wished someone would say something.  Other people thought the silence was relaxing, an oasis of sorts from life's everyday demands.  

Once people began to talk, though, the session became interesting.  I found out new things about several of the members, and talked briefly about trying to make the decision to move in with my mom or keep my apartment.  I haven't been here (my treasured tiny apartment) much lately; taking care of my mom is a 24-7 job.  I am immensely enjoying my freedom, but it looks as though the right thing to do is postpone my single life a bit.  I feel some resentment toward my mother due to the fact that I never felt nurtured by her as a child, but I can't leave all the work for my brother.  So I feel as though I'm putting on the "dutiful daughter" mask for now.

Otherwise, we talked about drinking issues, delayed sexual experiences, and working to help the world's poor.  I have mixed feelings about this last discussion.  I tend to mistrust those who devote their lives (or say that they do) to "good works."  I'm sure there are a lot of genuinely kind-hearted people in the world, and without them, the world would be much the worse.  But for every genuine soul who wants to help, there are others who just want to be seen helping, or who want to make a name for themselves as a "saviour" of some sort.  I thought a lot about my perception of this inclination on the drive home, and I think that maybe I'm just too introverted to understand.  I don't mean that I'm shy, just predominantly  inwardly-focused.  In order to dedicate your life to helping others, you probably need to be extroverted, or predominantly concerned with what's going on outside of you.  So maybe my reaction to the girl who's interested in world peace and ending hunger is entirely unfounded.  It seemed to put an instant wall between us; now I think that wall was erected by the opposite tendencies in our personalities.  She looks out; I look in.  Maybe that's why she's normally so quiet in group; she's focusing on us, not herself.  Which, actually, compels me to ask the question: Why is she in group therapy?